This is so beautiful

I have scars upon scars upon scars upon freshly rendered flesh on my heart. It is not a pretty thing anymore my heart. It is not ugly Inside … not bitter (yet). It still beats, it still pumps blood and I still live. Isn’t it funny how you live on when your heart is either so full of pain you cry from the agony of it all, or you cease to hurt and become numb? The latter frightens me. To Not feel? I who feel so much, too much. I still cannot find it in my heart to hate the one that freshly broke my heart. I cannot hate the other who comes after me. I hurt too much to find my smile. So if I am not all cheerful and positive, I hope you can forgive me my human-ness and the hurts I must deal with. I see the beauty of love, and I have soul mates. Just not in a Lover like I dreamed of & hoped for. So in my way I still believe in love. But not so much these days for me do I believe in Love and a “Love that time will lay down and be still." No Shining Today.